Porn producer renounces former ways

Donny Pauling
Donny Pauling educates people about dangers of pornography

Playboy had just offered Donny Pauling $4,000 a day to produce a new lesbian reality series when the drive home took an unexpected twist that changed his entire life.

Donny had already made millions in eight years from producing pornography part-time, behind his wife's back, but this new Playboy deal represented his ultimate commitment to the porn industry.

It all started with a growing addiction to viewing Internet pornography at work or at night, while his wife slept, and eventually sparked the idea to start his own business in the industry.

"I had always told myself that I would not cheat on my wife, I was going to keep it professional," Donny says.

"Two years into it I cheated the first time and I felt horrible. She didn't deserve it because she is an amazing woman. I promised myself then that if I ever cheated again I would come clean with her."

A year later he had another affair and called his wife from a porn convention to confess all that he had been doing.

She reasoned that their marriage still had a chance if he agreed to counselling but at this point Donny immediately said 'no' because he did not want to explore why he was "full of rage, anger and bitterness".

He explains that a wall of hatred towards God and all Christians had built up from his legalistic religious upbringing.

"God seemed to me to be a list of rules and regulations, a list of things I couldn't do.

It seemed like your actions made you holy," he explains.

Donny adds that he had "always confused God with the people claiming to represent Him" and, after witnessing the hypocrisy of Christians he knew growing up, he thought to himself: "if this is Jesus, if this is Christianity, I do not want to have a part of it".

At one annual porn convention, he recalls always seeing people "holding their picket signs and telling us that we were going to burn in hell...that just fuelled my anger and bitterness even more."

Ironically, it was at a porn convention that Donny eventually discovered the real Jesus when he stumbled upon a radical XXXChurch booth with their emblazoned "Jesus loves porn stars" Bibles and their make-up stand for the girls working there.

"Instead of judging [the girls]," Donny explains, "they told them that they were beautiful and that God loved them, and that there was nothing they could do that could change that, and that He wanted more for them."

Over the next four years Donny distantly observed the loving actions of this group and says he came to realise that, if he were to be a Christian, "this is the kind of Christian I would want to be, and the kind of Jesus I would want to serve."

When his hatred for Christians melted away, he says, "I could no longer justify what I was doing".

He began to pray, challenging God to prove He was real in a personal way.

Donny's prayers were answered in September 2006, after pulling over on the side of the road on the way home from his meeting at Playboy.

"I was like, 'God, it doesn't matter what I do, You bless me!' Basically what I was saying was, 'Thanks for the new porn contract'," he recalls praying.

But, he says, "as crazy as it sounds", after this prayer he immediately felt as if he was "hit with electricity" and, as the strange shock ran through his body, Donny knew it was the sign he had been seeking from God.

“There’s nothing appealing about a girl curled up in a corner sucking her thumb ...” A few days later he surrendered control of his life to Jesus and, although he admits he was terrified of what that would mean, he says he felt "a huge sense of relief and happiness for the first time in a long, long time."

Although he lost all of his mortgaged possessions and a girlfriend of five years, Donny recalls,"I was never more at peace."

To "rewire" his "messed up understanding of Christianity" Donny says he enrolled in a Bible course and was humbled when some loving Christian friends offered to pay for his education and rehabilitation.

"I had days I would cry so hard that I puked, finally cry myself to sleep and then would wake up and started again," he says.

Yet when he felt like he was falling, Donny recalls that God was there to comfort him.

Looking back, he confidently shares: "I know I am forgiven. God gives us a big gift; it's called grace. And when we can't forgive ourselves it's like we give Him that gift back and say it's not good enough. So I do accept His forgiveness."

Wanting to share God's peace with others, he soon began travelling the world to tell millions of people about the dangers of porn and the way it can destroy people's lives.

When asked whether he still finds porn attractive, Donny says, "There's nothing appealing about a girl curled up in a corner sucking her thumb because her mind is so blown by what she's been doing."

Practically speaking, Pauling urges those who are struggling to break a porn addiction to set up a system of accountability – someone they can talk to regularly about their struggles – and to never give up, remembering that God's love for them will never change.

"I've had people come up to me and say they heard me speak two years ago, and they haven't looked at the stuff since," he says, "but that's not realistic for everybody."

"God is not looking for a reason to send

us to hell, He's looking for every reason to bring us to Him," he concludes. "So just stand back up and stop letting your guilt get you down."

Hear more from Donny at donnypauling.net or www.lifesitenews.com/blogs/author/donny-pauling

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