High and Sober

By Michelle Tortora (age 24) Inmate at Hilltop Unit in Gainesville Texas

Taking in a detrimental drug that ceases to make me feel how I desire.
Ceases to get me that high, ceases to fill that hole, ceases to light my fire.
Searching for a substitute to satisfy, yet I am not reaching satisfaction
So why do I keep doing the same thing expecting a different outcome, what’s the attraction?

They say that’s the definition of insanity, well then I must be crazy.
Lately the stuff hasn’t been gettin’ me high anyway, not even a bit hazy.
Yet here I am, still puffing and poppin’, there’s gotta be something to ease this pain,
Something stronger, more potent, to lift me toward the sky, up inside the rain.

I’ve heard of something, a few have mentioned, swore it was better than the rest,
But I’ve always brushed them off, said it couldn’t be true, I already know what works best.
But now I’m feelin’ like I should ask for more details, see what all the hype is for,
‘Cause I need something to take away this edge, give me what I’m missin’, make me soar.

So I pray: “Jesus, You said every knee shall bow, never thought I would but I am in desperate need.
I heard You could save me from myself, save me period, well I plead.
What is it I have to do? They say just believe – Is this true? Hope to hear from You soon. Amen.”
Looking at the sky I see a bird flying high, higher, high, where I wanna be, is that an omen?

Hey God! How’s it been? A few weeks since I asked Jesus in, I feel amazing.
They were right, this is the best high I’ve even had, way better than when I was blazing.
Forgive me for not believing in You, not trusting in You sooner.
They told me it’s alright, perfectly fine to be a late bloomer.
This feeling, this life, I wish I would have known all along
That being this high and sober at the same time could feel so strong.

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