by Kevin Whitt
My name is Kevin. I am 41 years old, and I am a walking miracle.
My name is Kevin. I am 41 years old, and I am a walking miracle. The man I am today is not the man I have always been. My life has been radically changed. Let me give you a little history to set the stage.
When I was just two years old, my parents got a divorce. My mom has always loved me and supported me through everything. When my father was around, he was verbally, physically and often sexually abusive. He said his treatment of me was his way of teaching me how to be a man.
I was introduced to God at a very young age by my grandmother and aunt. I always believed in God and loved God. But I have not always been a follower of God.
My childhood was difficult because I wasn't as masculine as other boys. I was severely bullied in school because I wasn't "manly" enough. I despised school. I can remember being called a "faggot" in the first grade and that label seemed to form my identity for years to follow.
I really hated that I was so effeminate. I tried to be more masculine, but none my attempts to fit in were successful. I was a very sad, lonely boy with no friends.
In my early teen years, I began to be very confused about my sexuality. When I was in the 9th grade, I finally made a friend with whom I had a lot in common. One morning, when I was 14, he took me into the woods near my house and he put a rag over my face with an inhalant and raped me. I didn't know what to do. We continued to be friends because I didn't know how to tell anyone, and I didn't want to lose the only friend I ever had.
At the age of 15, I came out of the closet and told my family I was gay. In my mind my only options were to come out or to commit suicide, but I couldn't continue to live my life in that state of confusion. When I came out of the closet, it was amazing. Suddenly, I had a lot of friends. For the first time in my life, I was considered a cool kid. I finally felt normal.
I loved all the attention I received and decided I would take it to the next level by dressing in drag. It started out on as a fun Halloween costume, and everyone said I was so beautiful. The attention and recognition of dressing in drag became addictive. Little did I know that this was the sordid beginning of the next twenty years living a gay lifestyle.
I started working in gay nightclubs as a drag entertainer as soon as I was old enough. Soon after, I started working in the adult industry as a transsexual prostitute. I thought this career would be temporary, but I was earning around $1,000 a day and became addicted to the money. It supported my heavy drinking and lavish lifestyle. I couldn't do drag or prostitute myself without being drunk.
Finally, I began to realize how toxic and addictive my lifestyle had become. Many friends and acquaintances died from HIV, and I saw others ruin their lives with addictions. I was just sick and tired of being sick and tired. I constantly asked myself, "What would happen if I were to die?" I lived in great anxiety and fear. At times I was afraid to close my eyes to sleep at night.
I had given up on God. All I had ever been taught by the church was that gay people were going to hell.
This year, one of my friends invited me to go to church at Easter. I went to be kind. God grabbed my attention. I saw this modern-day version of the resurrection of Jesus Christ being played out on stage and I began to cry. I saw all that Jesus had done for me, and the lifestyle I was living was not honoring to Him. The preacher asked if anyone was ready to accept Christ. I bowed my head and prayed and invited Him into my heart. That was the first day of my walk with Christ. When I spoke to my gay friends about God, they thought I was insane.
Suddenly I was no longer popular and lost all of my friends. The desire to do drag, party, or to attend gay clubs left me. God began speaking to me and I got rid of all of my female clothing and accessories. Despite my countless sexual encounters with men, I tested HIV negative.
God answered my prayers. My heart began to dramatically change. I contacted Living Hope (a ministry to reach the gay community for Christ) and began attending classes. I was always taught that homosexuality was a sin and I believed this to be true, but since I was convinced that I was born gay, I assumed that I must have been created to go to hell.
At Living Hope the love that Jesus showed me changed my life drastically. I learned from the pastor how a person might "think" he is born gay. I learned how God's design didn't include homosexuality.
As I watched him explain homosexuality on a white board, I saw my life unfold and it all made perfect sense. Living Hope showed me the love that Jesus has for me. All of their teachings come from a place of love, not condemnation. They love people into a closer relationship with Jesus Christ and the rest is left with Him. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new."
Through Jesus, I am a new creation with a new heart. I also have learned to let go of any bitterness that I had in my heart for anyone. The difficulties I went through in life made me the person I am today. God uses everything for His glory. He is using me to share my experiences to help others going through the same things. No sin is too great for God to handle. In fact, what Christ did on the cross erased all of the sins of my past. He doesn't even remember any of my past sins when I repented and came to Jesus. Just understanding forgiveness gave me so much peace in my heart. Today I can honestly say that I have no desire for men, porn, masturbation, or to be a women or drag queen. Instead, I have the desire to have a wife, children and a family.
Being macho does not make a man a man. God created me to be a man! God knows my heart. In the words of Sy Rogers, "What you see in me is just the residue of my past." I am a transformed man of God and child of the King!•
Kevin's testimony first appeared on preachitteachit.org Used with his permission.