by Claire S.*, provided to CREATION MINISTRIES INTERNATIONAL–NZ
I grew up enjoying Sunday school, believing God was real, even if my experiential life suggested to me He did not care. As I grew I chose science subjects at school—I wanted to be a marine biologist.
Once I was streamlined into separate science subjects at the age of 13 I was indoctrinated into evolution. I became an enthusiastic follower, totally convinced I had evolved from a generalised primate some indeterminate millennia ago. I helped write a thesis for an oceanography/biology degree aged just 15.
I was, by now, certain the earth was some 4.5 billion years old, sedimentary rock [layers] proved this, and that radiometric dating could not be denied showing the age of fossils to be in the millions of years without doubt. DNA showed that there was a variation on a small scale, therefore there could only be one answer of mutation combined with pure Darwinistic natural selection giving rise to new species; as per his Galápagos finch beak variation illustration.
The faithful five
I studied further and became a government marine biologist. In the science labs where I worked, shockingly there were five Christians who even had the audacity to pray at lunch times—we laughed at their foolishness. I wondered how five such intelligent men (including the unequalled genius who headed up the department) could not see that evolution totally disproved the Old Testament rhetoric. And therefore, in equivocal logic, everything else must be very questionable?
Eventually I no longer believed in God except as a desperate answer to some things my beloved science had not explained yet.
Yes, we were creatures that helped each other like no other creature on the planet did—but that was merely a superior form of a herd mentality and survival instinct, wasn't it? (I had stopped really believing in morals except as a species survival behaviour.)
The Old Testament was totally irrelevant in my opinion. Jesus existed for sure, but He could only have been a man. After all, why would a God become a weak animal; and do it for things as damaged and nasty as the people I knew of?
As a result I began to lead a life where I no longer cared for others, or indeed myself.
I ridiculed the scientists who still prayed to their 'non-existent' God and read their fairy stories.
I trained in nursing and got more degrees as I furthered my education gaining top marks in my country. My colleagues knew me as 'the oracle', as I knew more than a lot of the doctors who were not consultants did. I was so proud of myself, my achievements of multiple degrees and professional diplomas, a hatful of top exam results, my general knowledge that would win pub quizzes with ease, and my IQ in the 2nd percentile in the country—such puffed-up pride.
Without hope in this life
I was not proud, however, of what I was—a heartless drunk, becoming depressed, as I was without hope or reason for life other than some self-aggrandizing hedonism. I sank into deep depression, without hope.
Then one day a friend of mine suggested I go and tell God what was going on and ask for help. I laughed at her. She gave me CMI's address: creation.com.
There I saw presentations that refuted, with easy science, what I thought I knew. This was not fairy stories, this was better science! I had to know more—I read Lee Strobel's book The case for the Creator and in it I read of my hero Francis Crick and his thoughts on DNA and evolution. I read of another hero, (former atheist) Professor Antony Flew, and his astonishing u-turn to become at least a theist, and his clear denunciation of naturalistic evolution (chemicals to life) as anything other than a disproved theory rather than a religion or even a Faithful Truth.
I was shaken badly. Could all I had believed have been wrong?
I was then given more on creationism and the mathematical likelihood of the four astonishingly coalesced nucleotides of DNA subsequently coalescing a few thousand more times in some miraculous fashion to make a DNA strand. And that then somehow making all the other machinery of a living cell - a machine that can make copies of itself - arose, and this first living thing then avoided all the storms, floods, earthquakes, volcanoes and everything else and from a series of genetic accidents made a population that again continued to evolve, develop male and female sexual reproduction, mitosis/meiosis and more.
The chances were vanishingly small.
The more I thought the more I was disturbed at what I read. I was finally given a book by Charles Colson called How Now Shall We Live that continued to answer my questions; or at least it put major caveats in my belief system.
My world fell apart. I knew I was wrong, I knew the five faithful marine biologists were right. I had been such a fool.
This revelation allowed me to continue to go to church—without a true revelation of who God is, but at least I knew He was real.
Then His grace healed me from my 25 years of depression and I had revelation of the reality and power of the creator God who did what science could not do—redeem me, rebuild me, love me and resurrect me.
It was CMI teachings that allowed God to get in and bring the revelation that had been robbed from me in school and university.
My eyes became opened to the world around me and I saw the mathematical beauty in God's creation as well as the genius and systematic approach He has taken—a level of genius reaching from biology, chemistry, physics, the majesty of astrophysics to the incredible detail of the subatomic existence of matter.
My shame was what I had done to countless others, I had been an evangelist for evil. Now my only recourse is Jesus' saving grace. I am now a missionary and evangelist, God in His love and mercy has brought me to other parts of the world and allowed me to share about Him.
Continually I am stunned that I was so blind—but now I see. Praise God for His mercy upon a sinner like me.•
This article is condensed from the original, which can be found at creation.com. It is used with kind permission.